The Lost Art of Being Present
Let's talk about something I see everywhere: parents who are physically present but mentally absent.
And before you think I'm judging, I'm talking about myself too.
The 144-Times-a-Day Problem
Did you know the average adult checks their phone 144 times a day? That's every 10 minutes.
We're not doing it on purpose. It's just that our phones have become the central nervous system of our lives. Work emails. Calendar alerts. Text messages. Social media. It's all there, buzzing for our attention constantly.
Meanwhile, our kids are right in front of us, trying to show us something, tell us something, share a moment and we're half-listening while scrolling.
Research from Dr. Sherry Turkle at MIT shows that when conversation is interrupted by a screen (even a silent phone on the table), empathy drops by 40%.
Our children aren't getting our full attention. And they feel it.
The Mental Load is Crushing Us
But it's not just phones. It's everything we're trying to carry literally and figuratively.
Think about the last time you left the house with kids. How many bags were you juggling? Diaper bag, purse, work tote, snack bag, emergency supplies?
Now think about your mental load. The invisible checklist running 24/7: Did I pack the permission slip? When's the dentist appointment? What's for dinner? Did I respond to that email? Is there gas in the car?
We're pack mules for modern life. And in all that carrying and managing, we lose the ability to just BE.
What Actually Helps
I've been researching this for years, both personally and professionally. Here's what I've learned works:
1. Simplify What You're Physically Carrying
This sounds trivial, but it's not. When I finally consolidated everything into one organized system (I use the GillyGro Classic I designed for this exact purpose), something shifted.
It's not that the backpack was magic. It's that when everything has a place and you can find what you need without hunting, your brain has bandwidth for other things.
Like noticing your kid's face when they discover something cool.
2. Create Micro-Moments of Presence
You don't need to be present all day. That's unrealistic and will just make you feel like you're failing.
Instead: Pick ONE moment. Bedtime routine. Morning breakfast. Car ride home from school.
For that one moment, put the phone in another room. Just be there. Fully.
Then next month, add another moment.
3. Practice Noticing
I started keeping a simple journal. Three questions every night:
- What did I see today?
- What made me smile?
- When was I most present?
This trains your brain to pay attention DURING the day, because you know you'll be writing about it later.
4. Phone-Free Zones
Start small:
- No phones at the dinner table
- No phones during bedtime routine
- No phones for the first hour at the park
Announce it to your family. Make it a rule for everyone (including you).
The Bigger Truth
Here's what I really want you to understand: Your people don't need your perfection.
They don't need Pinterest-worthy birthday parties or Instagram-perfect family photos or a spotless house.
They need YOU. Present. Attentive. There.
And that's both harder and easier than you think.
Harder because it requires fighting against everything our culture tells us to do (multitask! optimize! hustle!).
Easier because it doesn't actually require money or elaborate planning or special skills.
It just requires choosing, again and again, to come back to this moment. This person. This life you're living right now.
Start Here
This week, try this:
- Pick ONE moment each day to be fully present (no phone, no mental to-do list, just there)
- Notice what happens when you do
- Write down one thing you saw or felt during that moment
That's it. Start there. Presence isn't a destination. It's a practice.
What's your biggest barrier to being present with your family? Drop a comment!